Gasping for Air

I have always been one of those "sports girls."  You know the type - played basketball and can actually shoot a 3, into lifting weights at the gym and not just doing the elliptical machine, still has issues with nail polish on my fingers - that type of girl.  I'm not sure if this is the reason why, but whenever anyone finds out that I happen to have asthma, they look at me with a bewildered expression and say something like, "Really?  You have asthma?"

Yes, indeed.  I have the thrilling experience of having my lungs swell to the point where my ability to breath becomes extremely difficult (to say the least).  I know that brain function depends on oxygen, but truthfully, whenever I am in the midst of an attack, my brain is working overtime.  Mostly, thinking about the exact location of my inhaler, and then thinking about how insanely silly and stupid I look, followed up by more self-conscious thoughts, then slowly thoughts that I really need to calm down.  These all happen within a matter of a second and then are re-thought over and over again.  It's quite the vicious cycle.

Having asthma is a bit of a problem for someone like me who has major issues in the realm of pride.  You see, I try again and again to do things all on my own.  I have issues, if you will, with letting things go.  So, to be reliant on an inhaler every time I want to go work out is extremely trying.  In recent years, I've tried to just do exercises that won't require that I take my inhaler - like yoga or pilates, even light jogging.  But every now and then, I begin to think that I am doing so well with my work out, that I try to add on more and more - and then the lungs start to swell more and more.  Before you know it, I am keeled over, feeling like an idiot - gasping for air.

It is in between the gasps that I am reminded that God created my lungs.  He is the One that I live and move and have my being in; He is concerned with every hair on my head, so why would every breath that I take be any different?  Way back in the day, there was a song called "Air I Breathe."  It's funny what a simple lyric will do for a girl with asthma; but hearing that "This is the air I breathe, your holy presence living in me," did wonders for my prideful, asthmatic psyche.

Now for the abrupt shift - my mom died.  In fact, it is now just a little over two months ago that I received the phone call from my uncle telling me this.  I am not exactly sure what the grieving process is for other people, but right now, for me, I feel like I am stuck in a permanent asthma attack.  I spend a lot of my time gasping, and being stuck in my prideful state thinking that I can get myself out of this one; I can fix it; I can stop gasping for air without the help of anyone or anything; I can do this on my own.  It's a lot of silliness, really.

I know that every day is one day closer, time is the healer, and all of the other such timely phrases.  It is actually realizing this every single day, physically making a conscious effort to know that God is not only concerned with my ability to breath while I exercise, but that He is concerned that I am not gasping for air while I grieve.  We never suffer alone, we only feel like we do.  He is not far off; He is not stuck in some cosmic conversation.  He is near, ready to bring Joy in the morning.

Nothing Good Happens After 10 pm, 11 pm, Midnight...

I've spent most of my adult life in service to teenagers.  In the past 10 years, social networking, texting, and the ability to share every facet of your life has exploded among the teen (and adult) culture like an atomic bomb.  In my day, the saying was that "Nothing good ever happens after 10 pm."  As my testimony of my teenage years confirm this, what with the drinking and general debauchery that occurred well into the wee hours of the morning, I feel like something has shifted in the ways that nothing good happens now.

We long for transparency in the Christian life.  When someone gets up in front of hundreds and thousands of people and shares their life story, about a time when they were raped, they were on drugs, they were suicidal, they were stuck in the miry clay, if you will - we connect with this person on a deeper level.  We tear up, we partly feel their pain and agony, and maybe we even identify with the person because we are or were in that very same mire.  The testimony continues and that person has their foot set on the firm rock of Jesus now - we cry more and feel joy in the freedom of the collective life of Christ.  This is not a bad thing, this can be and should be a very good, encouraging thing.

When is enough though?  When should some things be kept private and not divulged to the entire "cloud" of witnesses that is NOT the biblical "cloud of witnesses?"

I often hear teenagers saying that they cannot sleep and that they have a struggle with insomnia.  But as my experience in having sleepovers with these teens at different camps tells me, they do not lack sleep because of insomnia, they have no sleep because they are up all night constantly texting one another and chatting on Facebook and tweeted updates about their lack of sleep.  Their minds constantly work and they have "conversations" until 4, 5, 6 am in the morning.

Let me make up a statistic on the spot - there are more teens today suffering from depression than ever before in the history of the world (and this includes teenagers with crazy, messed up families like Joseph and Rachel of the Old Testament).  Most teenagers that I talk to are depressed or have some sort of depression in the past.  So, there friends stay up all night texting back and forth, back and forth, rehashing all of the depression, talking about all of the things that make them feel horrible, gripe about their parents and living situations, and maybe, just maybe pray for a few minutes or seconds.

Is this ok?  I'm all for encouraging one another as long as today is called today.  But when is enough enough?  When is it more detrimental to the people of Christ to be constantly available for one another and no longer alone before God crying out to Him Alone?

Don't misunderstand me.  We, the church, need one another.  We need to encourage, exhort, push one another as we strive to be the Church of Christ, to be His body here on earth.  BUT...

I remember a great story that was told to me about 8 years ago now.  This Christian guy was at a missions conference, and his roommate, who he had never met, would wake up crying every night from about 2 am till 5 am.  Finally after about 3 nights of this, the guy woke up along with him and asked his crying, weeping roommate what was wrong.  The man replied that God wakes him up every night to cry and weep over his country for the lost souls that are in it, and to pray for the harvest to come.

This man did not wake up and begin to text his friends, or get on Facebook, well probably AIM at that point and time, to chat away the hours in the evening about his depressed state; no he woke up and cried to God.  His time was with his Father in Heaven.  And you can bet that this man never suffered the effects of his insomnia.  He was not tired, but constantly refreshed.

I do think that the social networking devices have been an incredible tool for people to connect and even grow together.  But can I suggest that nothing good still happens after 10 pm?  I know that we think that we have to be there for one another, even till 4 am, but shouldn't we encourage one another to seek God, shut off our computer and cell phone and then actually seek Him?  Pray, cry, weep, praise, rejoice - whole heartedly, with all your mind, with all your strength and with every inch of soul.

Just a thought.

Things That Puzzle Me

Lately I have been journeying through 1st and 2nd Kings, having realized that I have probably not read these books in their entirety since my freshman year of college (but I have read the book of Acts maybe 8 times since then, go figure).

One of the things that ALWAYS puzzles me is the situation of Elijah.  He calls out the prophets of Baal, tells them to meet him up on Mount Carmel and they would find out whose God/god was real.  Or, in his own words, "The God who answers by fire, he is God," (1 Kings 18:24).  Perhaps you have read this story before, so you know how it goes -

The prophets of Baal make their altar, pray before it, weep before it, cut themselves before it, sacrifice onto it, but there is "no voice; No one answered; no one paid attention," (1 Kings 18:29b).

There acceptable time of offering passes, so Elijah goes up to the altar of God.  He douses it with water several times, puts the sacrifice on the altar, and makes the simple prayer that God would "answer" him.  His time of offering comes, and God consumes the offering with fire.  So much fire, in fact, that it "licked up the water that was in the trench," (1 Kings 18:38).

Rain comes, Elijah is victorious over the prophets of Baal, a group of people realize that God is God, and that a god is NOT God.  Fantastic.  What a victory, right?

This is what puzzles me.

1 Kings 19:2, "Then Jezebel (the wife of King Ahab, whose prophets of Baal had just been defeated) sent a messenger to Elijah, saying, 'So may the gods do to me and more also, if I do not make your life as the life of one of them (the prophets who had just died) by this time tomorrow.'"

So what does our mighty prophet do?  1 Kings 19:3, "Then he was afraid, and he arose and ran for his life."

WHAT?  WHAT?  WHAT?!?!?  Ok, I'll stop.

But seriously.  You just saw your God, who actually is God, lick up even the water that was around the trench of your offering with an all-consuming fire.  He just gave you a HUGE victory over something like 850 false prophets.  And then the woman who is behind it all threatens you with a threat from the gods (lower case "g") who could not even bother to show up, who you mocked, and who ultimately was just proven DON'T EXIST!!!!  You are NOW afraid and you run and flee for your life?

This puzzles me.

It makes me feel hopeless in a way, because if Elijah, a man who was empowered to raise the dead, who was a test-proven prophet, who had great faith to pray to God in front of 850 threatened false prophets, "Answer me," - if he falters, then what hope do I have?

This would probably be the wrong reaction to have to the text.  Which is why I am so very glad that there is a remainder to chapter 19.  Now, I am not saying that if Elijah had not fled that God would not have worked this out in another way.  I find "what if" questions to be kind of silly anyways, because this IS the way it happened, and this IS the course of events.  No alternate version is available.  So, no what ifs.

So, Elijah fled and God went after Him.  He showed him in the still quiet wind (the sound of sheer silence) that he, Elijah, was not alone.  Not only was this God who can come with an all-consuming fire or with the sound of silence with Him, but this God still had 7,000 people back in Israel who loved Him.  Not only that, but Elijah continued his journey, as God instructed him, and found his helper, his replacement, and ultimately someone who would do even more for God, a man named Elisha.

Is it God's plan for Elijah to falter?  For him to run in the face of gods and Jezebel?  I don't know.  What I do know is that even though Elijah falters, his faith wains, he loses focus, God works in his life in spite of this.  He raises up another prophet, one who continues His work on earth; He restores Elijah's faith, and eventually Elijah gets carried off to be with God in a chariot.

This restores my hope.  Because while Elijah's instant lack of faith after an incredible time of victory and evidence of God's reality happened, this story is not about Elijah.  This story is about God working and being faithful when we are faithless.

God will work even when we don't.  God will still be there, even when we forget that He is.  God will still be God, even when we put others and other things before Him.  God never changes who He is, even when we blow like a branch in a hurricane.

Why do we even bother then?  Because Elijah did far greater things when he was faithful to God than when he was not.  A faithful servant will produce much fruit; so much will happen when we actually work with God instead of forgetting about Him and all He can do.

Remain faithful then.  Remain in prayer, remain in the Word, ABIDE in Him.  He will produce fruit, because a part from Him, we can do nothing.

The Sun Also...

On my way to work every morning, I have to stop at a corner where the sun has risen to a point that every time I look left to check for traffic I end up with a great amount of brightness flashing into my now squinted eyes.  I have tried leaving a few minutes earlier or later, but alas, to no avail - there is the sun in all of its ball-y, gaseous glory ready to blind me.

So, I have to begin the process of what I call slowly creeping - this is where I slowly, but with hesitant foot on the brake, make my way out into the intersection and hope that no one is coming from the left, or that if they are, they will be one of those wonderfully weird New England drivers who stop for everyone and everything that want to cut them off (I love those New England drivers).

From that point on in the rest of my 4.1 mile journey to work, I never have to worry about the sun's beams pointing directly into my retina.  That is, until I am on my way home from work around lunch time and the sun is high in the sky, being a blazing ball of fire and I can see nothing without the assistance of stylish, Fossil sunglasses.  This journey is made all the worse when the wonderful white stuff that I have been loving all winter is around to reflect said beams right into my eyes.

Even though I carry around this hate relationship with the sun on my drive to and from work, I also have a deep, deep love relationship with the sun.  Most mornings, I do say most, not all, I am an early-ish riser.  Enough that I have my cup of coffee in hand as I sit on my couch with a view of the cove out my window. As I read, the sun slowly peaks his head out and wonderful blues and pinks fill the sky as the sleepy New England town wakes up.  Often I am lost in thought as I stare at the beauty that surrounds me - and I feel for just a few moments that part of this was created for me, for my enjoyment, for my delight, for the fact that there is something inside of me that loves beauty and art and creation, and knowing that even the most beautiful manmade painting falls incredibly short in comparison to this moment.

As the day closes, and the sun leaves this side of the earth the sky is once again filled with all shades of pink and orange, and I am reminded that tomorrow he will return.  It's as if the sunset with all of its wonder and beauty is there to remind me of what I experienced in the morning, and to let me know what will again happen tomorrow.  For the sun is always there, and as long as the moon keeps us spinning on our tilt, we will always rotate around to see it - to have the chance to wake up early and see it, to experience its beauty, part of its very purpose, to delight and have joy in the creation of something so marvelous as the sun rise.

There are plenty of theological illustrations here, but right now, I am just going to leave it and let you explore these thoughts on your own.  For now, I am going to enjoy the view.

Reflections.

I've been traveling for a few days, so this blog entry has been festering in my head for a while now.  Each year we compile a list of things to accomplish or do and set out trying to make our life quality a little better according to standards set by the Food Network Channel, the Biggest Loser, Forbes, Time, and other major entities in our world.  Not that this is a horribly bad thing.  I have lived most of my life by setting goals and accomplishing them.  I even knew of some girls that went to my alma mater for the set goal of finding a husband (one of whom turned out to be one of my best friends).

As we set the goals for the New Year, we often spend time reflecting on the previous year - and usually it brings lots of regrets, tears, and heavy sighs at what we did not accomplish within the year (or even forgot to do).

Last year, I really don't think that I set any particular resolution/goal for the year, and when I sat back and reflected on the year, it kind of made me have a bit of a "Debbie Downer" moment.  I did a lot of things last year, but because I didn't actually set out to accomplish any of those things, there was no sense of swelling pride - the good kind, not the kind that comes before the fall.

So, this year, I may have gone over board a bit - but we will see.  I have set out four new resolutions, with a possibility of adding a fifth (but I really doubt that that one will happen).  What you may ask are these goals?  Well, I'm glad you asked.  There is something to publicly stating your goals that helps with the whole accountability thing.  It adds a bit of pressure also, so that maybe you will actually accomplish one of two of them, and possibly even all of them.

1. Write daily.  This does not mean that you will be seeing a daily blog entry from myself (please, never let it be).  I just need to write more.  And there are journals and a Macbook Pro waiting my musings, my thoughts, my reflections, and possibly something more substantial.

2. Read at least 25 books.  Now, I know, this goal seems to be a little low.  I'm pretty sure that with all the re-reading I did last year, I read over 25 books.  And I know, D.A. Carson read 100+ books a year, plus writes his own, teaches, and manages to be an all-around stud.  But, I am NOT D.A. Carson, as much as I would like to be.  So, at least 25 books this year it is.  I have already started my list of what to read, and it is well over 25, so if you recommend a book to me this year, it will probably be a year before I get to it.  Sorry.

3. Cook at least 4 times a week.  I LOVE to cook.  I LOVE watching Food Network and browsing Williams & Sonoma, but my major problem is that I have a insanely busy lifestyle.  So, most nights stopping at the store or grabbing take-out has been my habit.  Well, it's time to break it.  At least 4 times a week.

4. No sweets this year, except for on our birthdays.  This one was tacked on by my wonderful husband.  I think he did it because he knows that I have a tendency for a sweet tooth, so this doesn't help his diet either.  I did this once when I was a teenager, so I think that this one is definitely do-able.  Here's hoping to a mild summer so I won't want to snack on ice cream in the heat!!

Well, there they are.  You may ask why there isn't anything in there about God, prayer, reading the Word, etc, etc, etc.  My simple answer to that - my relationship with God is not a goal.  The second it is, it is no longer a relationship - it has become a checklist.

Happy New Year, one and all!

Time for Casting or Time for Taking?

"I don't know if I can take much more."  

Have you heard that statement recently?  Maybe even coming from your own mouth?  Possibly the holiday planning, the pressure of seeing family or not seeing family, the end-of-the-year workload, exams, studying, commitments, parties, scheduling - it's all too much.

This week, I heard this statement from someone who probably had every right to say it.  A dear friend had passed away, and the circumstances surrounding their death is the epitome of a surreal tragedy.

When things happen, we say phrases like, "I have to deal with this on my own," or "It's something I have to take care of,"  or finally, "I don't know if I can take much more."


I spent a good portion of last night thinking over these statements, and then thinking through the bold claims of Peter and Jesus found two separate passages.  In 1 Peter 5:6-7, Peter writes:

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time He may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you."


Peter is writing to a group of people that have been living in constant persecution.  As 21st Century American Christians, I don't think that we can ever fully grasp what it means to suffer persecution at the hands of those around you.  We hear stories of martyrs and the persecuted Church throughout countries like Indonesia, Afghanistan, Iran, Somalia, Libya, etc, etc, etc; but the most that we are persecuted here is from words that sting and bring us to places of anxiety, but never fear for our life.

This is why I think this passage is so very apt for the 21st Century American Christian.  We are an anxious people.  We are born into a family that worries, we are raised to worry, we live our life worrying, and then eventually we pass our worry onto our children.  There are finances, school decisions, silly things called "our love life," pressures at work, and then our family and all of the choices that they have to make.  So we worry.  And when things get extremely tough, like in the situation of friends and family actually passing on, a deep, heavy, feeling comes over us - and we don't know how much more we can take.

Instead of trying to handle all of this worry and pain and hurt on our own, Peter tells us to humble ourselves, and cast all of our worry, anxiety, pain, hurt, grief, etc, on Him.  Because He cares for you.  Don't miss that - it is all BECAUSE HE CARES FOR YOU.

Jesus tells us in Matthew 11:28-30:

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."


The scholars tell us that a yoke is typically put upon someone, as in a forced servitude.  So, the Jews were under the forced yoke of the Romans.  A slave would be under the yoke of their master.  Even, in some situations, a woman would be under the forced yoke of her husband.

These were not good yokes.  They were not taken willingly, but were placed forcefully.  Jesus says that we have to actually TAKE HIS YOKE and PUT IT ON OURSELVES.  We have to submit to Him; we have to willingly put on His yoke, because He will not force it upon us.

The amazing difference is that the yokes that were forced upon people were heavy, were filled with anxiety, with pressure, and with fear.  But Jesus' yoke is easy, is light, and is filled with rest for your souls.  What a stark difference between the two!  Jesus has nothing in common with a forceful master.  He is gentile, He is light and easy - and He gives rest.

When we submit ourselves to Jesus, we have to submit even those phrases of: "I have to take care of this myself."  "I don't know how much more I can take."  Because we are under His yoke.  We take upon ourselves, willingly, freely, a light, easy yoke that is provided for us by our Savior who PROMISES nothing but rest and gentleness.  Under this yoke, we are FREE to CAST ALL OF OUR CARES AND ANXIETIES UPON HIM.  Why?  Because He cares for YOU! 

Let's start to think radically for a moment.  What would happen if we took these verses seriously?  How would our language and phrases we use begin to change?  How would our minds and thoughts begin to transform?  What would happen to that curse of worry that has plagued each of our families for generations upon generations?  And then, most of all, when incredibly tough, hard tragedies happen - would we be able to know without a doubt that we are able to not just survive, but thrive in the midst of the tragedy because He is caring for you every month, every week, every day, every minute, every second of your life.  I think that it's time to start taking up our yokes and time to start casting our cares upon Him.

There Are Much Worse Things

I absolutely love Stephen Colbert.  There I said it.  With his satirical impression of the crazy right-winged religious/political talkies, he manages to always come out somewhere between extremely funny and alarmingly real.  The great thing is when you actually catch glimpses of his intellect and own personal opinions, such as when he took a few jabs at Dr. Bart D. Ehrman - he of the former Christian faith now agnostic fame who refuses to acknowledge the inerrancy of the Scriptures.

On my Christmas playlist, I have most of "Colbert for Christmas" added into the mix, and quite often enjoy listening to the song, "There Are Much Worse Things to Believe In," sung as a duet with Elvis Costello.  At the end of the song, the lyrics are:

"You doubt, but you're sad
I don't, but I'm glad
I guess we're even
At least that's what I believe in
And there are much worse things"

This morning I read an article on my NPR app (yes, I am a hipster nerd) about two billboards that are on either side of the Lincoln Tunnel.  The one on the way into NYC has a picture of the manger scene and directly above it says, "You KNOW it's a MYTH: This Season Celebrate REASON!" - this sponsored by a group called the American Atheists.  At the end of the tunnel, there is another billboard with a manger scene which states, "You Know it's Real: This Season, Celebrate Jesus." - sponsored by the Catholic League.  Enough words have been written about the validity and truth of both boards, the faith/non-faith wars that have erupted between certain leaders, the profit that both have benefited from because of these statements - what I want to discuss is the simple statement, "there are much worse things."

It is no secret that I would fall on the side of Celebrating Jesus billboard, but let me ask the first of many rhetorical questions - What's wrong with a little hope during this CHRISTmas season?  We believe, this fills us with wonder, with joy, with peace and with hope - is there something wrong with this?  The fact that hearing Linus's voice on a Charlie Brown Christmas say, "Lights, please..." lisp and all warms my heart, because I know that the next few minutes will be filled with the story from the Gospel of Luke about the shepherds, the angels and the statement that unto YOU is born this day in the city of David, a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.  What is wrong with this?  Aren't there, as Mr. Colbert points out, MUCH WORSE THINGS TO BELIEVE IN?

The story of Jesus' birth is an amazing story.  We believe it to be truth, because we believe that the Holy Bible is in fact the very words of God.  Is it so terrible to imagine that God would not only create the very world that we walk around in, the one in which we live and move and have our being, but that He would also come to this earth in the human form?  Is it so terrible and horrifying to believe that God would send His Son to save us?  Is it so horrible to hope in a new heaven and a new earth, because we know in our hearts that this world in which we live in its current state is just not right?

A lot of you can leave the super scholarly arguing about the validity of the Bible for the super scholarly to argue, but I would say that this CHRISTmas you have something very simple and very profound to say as you spread your Christmas Cheer - and that is that there are much worse things to believe in.  Once again, Merry Christmas - may your hearts, minds and souls be filled with all the wonder, amazement, joy, peace and hope of this Season as you Celebrate Jesus!

The Journey

Last week I posted a bit on thoughts of heaven.  To continue a bit in this train, I wanted to write a bit this morning about the journey and the process.  There is a fantastic hymn written by Henry Francis Lyte, called Jesus, I My Cross Have Taken.  Besides the fantastic, Anglican grammar that calls to me from these verses - it is the story of the journey to constantly follow Christ that compels me to worship when I hear/sing this hymn.

The first verse says:

Jesus, I my cross have taken,
All to leave and follow Thee;
Destitute, despised, forsaken,
Thou from hence my All shalt be.
Perish every fond ambition,
All I've sought or hoped or known;
Yet how rich is my condition!
God and heaven are still my own.

This weekend I was reminded again about the loneliness that following Christ can bring into your life.  I've seen women who choose to follow Christ even when their husbands refuse to acknowledge that He exists.  I've witnessed high school students who confess that Jesus is Lord, and then have to go home that night to parents who would rather drink themselves into oblivion than step foot into a church.  There are young children who have faith that can move mountains, when their parents merely go through the motions - thinking that if they just show up, they will be blessed financially.

It was a sermon on doubt, that reminded me all the more that I have this lonely journey in my own life.  At times it seems that no one can escape this portion of the journey.  I have yet to meet a single soul who has lived out their life following Christ and everything has been huge, wonderful, lush green hills and no valleys of despair.

This brings me to the last verse of this hymn:

Haste, then, on from grace to glory,
Armed by faith and winged by prayer;
Heaven's eternal day's before thee,
God's own hand shall guide thee there.
Soon shall close the earthly mission,
Swift shall pass thy pilgrim days,
Hope soon change to glad fruition,
Faith to sight, and prayer to praise.

This journey on the earth is hard, often times destitute, and even filled with people who forsake you.  What should we expect though?  "If they persecuted me, they will also persecute you," John 15:20b.  There are strong divisions in families, because there are strong-willed people in families.  The only thing that will bring you through these times of hardship on the journey is to focus on the fact that one day we will go from Grace to Glory.  The earthly mansions will be closed, our pilgrim days will be ended - and we will forever praise and worship in full sight of God, our Awesome Savior.  Rely on God's Hand - He is surely faithful to guide you through the valleys, even over the hills, and into our heavenly home.

Too Much Heaven on Their Minds...

10 points to the first "cool" person who knows where my blog title comes from!  Go!

Let me pose a question to you.  When was the last time you, dear Christian, marveled about heaven?  Let's get even simpler for our non-creative geeks in the room, when was the last time you simply thought about heaven?

Hopefully, it was recently, as in yesterday, or a couple of hours ago, or even minutes ago, or, "Hey, I'm thinking about it right now!"  Maybe I am starting a series here on Christian disciplines or something, but I think that it is VITALLY important to our relationships with God to reflect, think, meditate and hold strong hope in/on Heaven VERY OFTEN, if not consistently constantly.

When our minds are filled with the hope of heaven or the thought of heaven, you know what happens - we evangelize more.

When our minds are focused in on the fact that we are NOT home right now, you know what happens - we spend less money on frivolous things like Starbuck's Grande Pumpkin Spice Lattes and begin to tithe more than 10%.

When our minds are set on the wonder and amazement of a heavenly dwelling that is being prepared for us, you know what happens - we get to grasp what it means to worship God with our whole heart, mind, soul in Spirit and in Truth.

Some encouragement then, because maybe, like me, you have no idea where to start when it gets to thinking about heaven.  First, read Revelation 4-5, 19-22.  Yep, actually read that scary book at the end of your Bible.  You'd be amazed at how much you will be understand (even without a PhD in Greek).

Second, find theologians, church fathers, great pastors, who have written down their thoughts and reflections on heaven and soak it in!  Maybe you are not filled with great elocution like Augustine, Milton, Edwards, Moody, or Piper - but that is the great thing about being a member of the body of Christ!  You get to use other parts of the body for what they are made for - to uplift the rest of the body, to equip them, and to disciple them.  What a fantastic thought!

So, to begin your thoughts on heaven today, I am leaving you with a quote from none other than my personal "hero of the faith," C.S. Lewis (you probably could have guessed that).  This is from The Problem of Pain, something we should all read!  : )

"Your soul has a curious shape because it is a hollow made to fit a particular swelling in the infinite contours of the Divine substance, or a key to unlock one of the doors in the house with many mansions.  For it is not humanity in the abstract that is being saved, but you - you, the individual reader, John Stubbs or Janet Smith.  Blessed and fortunate creature, your eyes shall behold Him and not another's.  All that you are, sins apart, is destined, if you will let God have His good way, to utter satisfaction.  The Broken spectre 'looked to ever man like his first love', because she was a cheat.  But God will look to every soul like its first love because He is its first love.  Your place in heaven will seem to be made for you and you alone, because you were made for it - made for it stitch by stitch as a glove is made for a hand."

When it's time to let things go

Have you ever noticed that humanity has a tendency to overcommit themselves?  This being especially true in Christian circles - we feel obligated to serve others and serve in the Church, and so we sign-up for every dinner, Sunday school class, food drive, usher duty, musician duty, media duty, etc, etc, etc.  This all then adds to our already pretty full schedules, do to school, work, homework, general reading duties, television obligations (yeah, I said it), grocery shopping, the never-ending pile of laundry and dishes, etc, etc, etc.

Then let's not forget the things that we keep in our life because we just love them.  For students this could be playing on sports teams, being in a play or musical, or being a part of debate club.  For adults, we still cling to what we loved as a child - so finding a group of "old" people that wear knee braces and pound the hardwood to shoot a ball through a hoop, or participating in your local theatre guild, or being on the Board of your community's art society - WHATEVER, it's a bunch of stuff, right?

It's stuff that fills your day.  Lots and lots of stuff.  My mom, still to this day, loves to make lists of all of the things that she has to accomplish each day.  (I know now where some of my OCD comes from).  One day, when I was young, I noticed that on her list, she had written down "Make my list for tomorrow" as a thing to do.  This makes me chuckle, even to this day.

All that to say is when do we let some things go in our life?  When do we realize that enough is enough, or that maybe we should not commit to one more evening being spent out as we cling onto our past.  Not that these things aren't enjoyable, don't get me wrong - I still love to grab the old running shoes and pretend that I "got game" with a bunch of "old" people.  But I learned a long time ago that playing basketball on a scheduled basis like I did growing up won't fit into my schedule now.

Recently, I've had quite a few people come to me saying that they are having a hard time with everything.  They've added that when they are in church they rarely get anything out of it.  I ask them about their life, and the reply in each situation has been an overwhelming amount of stuff that's going on.  None of the stuff is bad, in fact, most of it brings these people joy and happiness.  But, the stress and anxiety is rising, and sure enough, God feels far away.

Can I say something?  God is NEVER far away.  That Bible that is growing dust on your shelf, is ALWAYS there.  So, my next question is always about their devotion time.  Sure enough, it's a rarity.  There just isn't enough time in the day.  And I believe them.  With the schedules that I heard about, getting up earlier isn't going to happen.  And if it does, it's only going to lead to the person getting sick, being crabby, and really not having a good time reading the Word at 4 am.

So, my question to them is when is enough enough, and what are you going to cut out?  It is so incredibly hard to admit that we can't handle the situations that we put ourselves in.  It is even harder to let things go in our life, in order to be able to build up our relationship with God.  But, it has to be done.  Sometimes maturing in our walk and journey as a Christian is realizing that our commitment to God comes before anything else that we commit to.  If you can start off your day spending time meditating on His Word, praying to Him, and seeking His face for your day, then the anxiety about the tight schedules, or all of the things that have to get done won't be so bad.  Because He is faithful - we cast our cares upon Him.

My last bit of advice to these people has been this - practice saying, "No."  Not only practice saying it, but put that practice into play.  Actually be mature enough to know when your schedule is entirely too full, and realize that maybe it is time to let some things go.  I read somewhere anyways that this world is filled with "vanity upon vanities," so what are we really letting go of anyways?  Don't worry about it - God is faithful.  I guarantee that if you put devotion to Him back in your life, you won't miss out on anything you are supposed to be a part of.  Now, if you will excuse me, I need to go check off "blog" on my list for today.  ; )

What Nonsense!

This week I have been reading The Problem of Pain by none other than C.S. Lewis (I know, shocker of the century, I am yet again reading another Lewis work).  The first time I read this book, I was entirely too young, too stupid, and my brain not yet fully formed, so I understood probably next to nothing in it.  This time around though, I have my highlighter set to stun, because I am literally coloring in almost every page as Lewis waxes on.  


Sharing with you a bit of the second chapter - Divine Omnipotence, Lewis writes:


"If you choose to say 'God can give a creature free will and at the same time withhold free will from it', you have not succeeded in saying anything about God: meaningless combinations of words do not suddenly acquire meaning simply because we prefix to them the two other words 'God can'. ... It is no more possible for God than for the weakest of His creatures to carry out both of two mutually exclusive alternatives; not because His power meets an obstacle, but because nonsense remains nonsense even when we talk it about God."


I'm going to try my hardest not to turn this blog post into a gush on how much I LOVE LEWIS and his wonderful words, instead I want to point out the utter simplistic genius of Lewis statement - "nonsense remains nonsense even when we talk it about God."  


Dr. Hawking, a man much smarter than myself and most of the lowly human life forms on this planet, recently published a new book, The Grand Design, in which much hoopla was given over him stating: "Because there is a law such as gravity, the Universe can and will create itself from nothing. Spontaneous creation is the reason there is something rather than nothing, why the Universe exists, why we exist. It is not necessary to invoke God to light the blue touch paper and set the Universe going."  


Clearly, I am no mathematician, scientist or physicist - if anything I probably belong to that wing of the world called "Philosophy" which Dr. Hawking insists in this very book that it is dead.  So, being a part of the world that is dead, I am going to start off by taking offense.  A very good friend and deeper thinker than myself wrote a wonderful response to this already, please read it here.  Dr. Hawking has vast contradictions in his statement, something cannot come from nothing.  The universe cannot cause its existence unless something was there to cause it.  Come on, that's Philosophy 101.  It also should be a part of Logic 101 in the wonderful world of Mathematics, but whatever; let's get to the point of this blog.


The fact of the matter is that sometimes we say wild and crazy things and think that they are immensely intelligent and universe shattering all because we begin the sentence with "If God can" or "What if it was possible to."  But let's face it, nonsense is still nonsense.  The very laws of science do not allow for the fantastical "what ifs" that we dream up.  Just because my brain imagines a world where every time I put my hands in the air I, and only I, am able to grab a beautiful, brilliant rock called a diamond that is worth millions of dollars does not mean that this is possible.  


We become indignant and full of self-righteousness at times, saying that God should have done this to change the world, or that God should have created this world without certain people or things if he was really all powerful, all loving, all knowing.  That's the rub though, we try so hard to talk about creating a perfect world according to our own standards and thoughts, but what if (yep I said it) our own thoughts and standards are evil to someone else in the world.  We would be creating what is supposedly perfect, but yet would still be harmful to someone else.  


That is the wonderful and amazing thing about God.  This world may not be perfect, but He is and He was - living in this world as the God-man Jesus.  So, while we try to imagine a perfect world that God should have created, He is sitting there offering you abundant life in this fallen world now, and a perfect eternity to come in the new heaven, new earth.  It might sound "crazy."  It might sound entirely stupid to you, but it's the only thing that is not nonsense, because the Creator, the Perfect God, has said it.  Instead of constantly putting the blame on God for this world and the harms it has done to you, try learning more about who God is, why He loves you even though you have done nothing to deserve it, and why He is even now preparing a place for you that is, for all intents and purposes, something that would be nonsense in this world.  

When living is Christ

There was this guy back at my alma mater who would literally walk around with a smile plastered on his face.  He would often be humming a tune, typically a hymn, and say, "Hi" to anyone that caught his gaze.  Now, I must confess, I never got to know this guy, because let's face it, I was a little creeped out by him and his "perma-smile."  He was genuine though, genuine in his happiness, genuine in his faith, and I am sure that today he is a great pastor somewhere - bringing hope to many through the Gospel of Christ.

He knew exactly what it meant to be "living as Christ" with his own unique personality.  The passage of Philippians 1:19-30 has always been one has completely fascinated me - because it is so incredibly straight-forward and simple, but also so deeply complex.

"For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain."  This statement has been plastered over and over again by Christians on their blogs, their Facebook status, and a whole world of social networking.  It has become a sort of brand, if you will - "I am the type of Christian that knows that living is Christ."  But do we really know?  Do we really get it?

You see, because for Paul, "to live is Christ" means fruitful labor.  Yep, FRUITFUL labor.  Check it out, verse 22, it's right there.  "If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me."  Paul, ever the honest man, would much rather die and be in heaven with Christ - this is gain.  I think that we all understand that - this world is fallen, broken, miserable (at times), and dying for those in Christ, means a heavenly home, eternity with an Almighty, Amazing God, Love Unbounded - pretty much incredibleness.  Dying in Christ is gain.

What I think that we misunderstand though is the "To live is Christ" part.  For Paul, it was fruitful labor. It was necessary for his churches (see verse 24).  It was all for the glory of Christ, not only in his life and faith, but in the lives and faith of the churches that he planted, led and wrote to (see verses 25-26).  Not only is it for the glory of Christ, it is for missions!  Reading verses 27-30, Paul had every aim that as the people of Philippi were finding out what "living is Christ" means, that the Gospel, their faith, would become unified under their oppression and persecution - causing their persecutors to see their unified faith that would be glorifying God, and showing them that there is only destruction or salvation from the road that they have chosen.

Paul knew this road as a persecutor all too well.  He, the chief of sinners, the chief persecutor of the church (at one time) knew that road.  He was on his way to the path of destruction, but Jesus stopped him on a road to Damascus.  Jesus stopped him completely and changed his life forever.  No longer was his life living to destroy people, but it was "living is Christ."  This is why he shows no fear in front of mobs in Ephesus; shipwrecks and snake bites don't stop him from sharing the good news that Jesus came to this earth to save sinners; imprisonment, what should be a shameful and despairing time, is filled with hope and opportunity to share the Gospel even more to those surrounding him on their way to death, even to those who keep him in the prison.  To live is Christ, is to take all of who you are, all that God has given you the capability to be, and in every single situation present the Gospel in a worthy manner (verse 27).

There are parts of the world today where Christians can identify completely with Paul's imprisoned circumstances, but for the majority of us, our lives do not present us with such dire, life-threatening circumstances.  There is still incredible hardships though.  Most of my family lives in Michigan, which has been suffering for a decade in an economic downward spiral.  In one day, 6,000 people were laid off from Ford.  6,000 people were out of a job in one day.  6,000 people were added to the already hundreds of thousands of people looking for a job in the state of Michigan.

Career goals, job potential, all of that no longer matters.  Finding a job to feed your family, finding any sort of work just so you don't lose your house - this is the goal.  The challenge now, as a Christian, as someone who professes that "to live is Christ" is to realize that the Gospel is more important than even your situation.  The Gospel, your faith, being unified together as a church in order that more and more may come to know the salvation through Jesus, is what you live for - even as you hunt for a job every day, even as you struggle to make ends meet when your wages are cut, or bonuses are denied.  Even when they foreclose on your home - to live is Christ, because there are those out there who dying and not gaining.

There should be some sort of comfort to know that Paul was in prison, and not a Martha Stewart, fluff prison, when he wrote these words.  Paul could have sunk into a deep depression; Paul could have given up on everything and turned from God; but he stayed firm, he persevered, he found that the only way to live was in a way where the Gospel would be presented in a worthy manner in spite of every situation he was thrown into.  "Living is Christ" is not an easy thing.  Every step of the way there will be things to throw you off, but there is comfort in prayers and the knowledge that the Spirit is with you, guiding and helping you every step of the way (verse 19).

"To live is Christ, and to die is gain."  Once again, I am blown away by how deep and vast faith truly is.

Repetition is the Key to Success

I have been reading The Mountain of Silence: A Search for Orthodox Spirituality by Kyriacos C. Markides lately.

It revolves around the travels of Dr. Markides to Greece and Crete, and his interactions with a head monk named Father Maximos.  It is quite a fascinating book and explains Orthodox theology and practice VERY well.  I can honestly say that I am intrigued by the life of the monks and nuns, so much that a hermitic lifestyle has become appealing in some ways.

As I was reading, one of the practices that caught my attention was when Father Maximos was explaining to Markides how grace can be administered into one's life.  One is to be constantly in prayer, repeating, "Lord, Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner."  You repeat this over and over, silently or out loud, in whatever you do - whether you are walking, sweeping the floors, cooking a meal, working in the field, etc.  As you do, God opens your heart to Him, grace pours in, and your relationship is formed.  For my Orthodox readers out there, I may have completely butchered the retelling of this practice, and if that is the case, I am truly sorry.  But I am pretty sure that I captured the basic gist of this.

In the movie Luther, that was released in 2003 with Joseph Fiennes playing the key role, a similar practice was installed in Luther's life where he would pray over and over, "I am yours, save me."  At one point, he prostrated himself on the floor and formed his own body into the shape of the cross as he repeated this prayer, again and again.

What is it about simple prayers that are repeated over and over that make them so effective?  Maybe it is the fact that you aren't trying to fill the space with words that are eloquently waxed, but that you are simply speaking to God, praying for Him to save you, to have mercy on you - and that's it.  I have had this experience before God's throne a few times.  The simplicity of the prayers have affected me so much that I usually end up weeping.  Something overcomes me, whether that be the Spirit of God, His grace or my own womanhood, it happens every time.  

Maybe we should call it the Practice of Simplicity, or possibly the Practicing Prayers of Piety (PPP for short).  But I think I am ready to challenge myself to try this out for a while, in everyday life, while doing the dishes, or cooking dinner, or driving to and from wherever - prayer without ceasing, repetitive prayer, simple prayer.

The OC Disorder

First prize goes to the person who can identify what television show the title of my blog is from!

We moved this past weekend for sanity purposes to a much bigger, prettier, closer to "T" place.  I have been slowly, but surely, putting our life away into closets, shelves, and drawers since Friday afternoon.  There are still little piles of stuff lying around that I am not quite sure where to put.  Pictures that have yet to be hung that I am debating in which room to hang them, or if I even like them any longer.  It's a long, involved process.

The problem is that I like organization.  I like organization so much that if I am making plans, I will stop whatever I am doing, call that person and make the plans definitive so that I can put it in my calendar right away.  My wonderful husband thinks I am weird, but the truth of the matter is that I just don't like stuff hanging out there, waiting to be done.  It bothers me.

So, what happens when your back and feet hurt so much that you can't just plow through and get everything done in a day, but you have to take several days to get your life in order?  Well, a bit of depression can set in.  A frenzy of trying to take care of things starts, and then nothing really gets done right.  Yesterday, I hung a picture and I am not sure that I even like where I placed it.  Now I am stuck.  But, it was the frenzy, what can I say?  The best thing I can do is to thoughtfully put other pictures around it to make it look better and then I will be ok again.

What on earth does all this ranting about obsessive organization have to do with anything today?  Ah... here comes the segue.  Sometimes I try really hard to get my Christian life completely organized.  Like, I'm going to talk to this person this week and God is going to save them this week - I've got it in my calendar.  I've set up the time to go to coffee with them, God will speak through me then, and wham-bam-thank-you-m'am, they are going to be saved at 11:35 am on Thursday; it will be great!  Really?  Really?  The last time I checked, God was in the habit of doing His own will, not mine.

When things don't go my way, then, depression can happen.  There are people in my life that I have been praying about for close to a decade now.  10 years have come and gone and still that moment has not happened.  The piles are building up, it's beginning to look like a mess, a little chaotic.  I can't put the date in my calendar, I have no control over when it is going to happen.  For someone of my particular quirks, THIS IS HARD.  THIS IS DEPRESSING.  WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?

The answer is this:  Wait.

Wait, be patient, stop trying to organize things that aren't yours to organize.  Lately, I have been spending time meditating on the Psalms, and I have been continually struck with the utter dependance on God that the psalmists have.  They get themselves worked up into a frenzy, but then remind themselves that it is God who is control.

Psalm 38:15 says, "But for you, O LORD, do I wait; it is you, O Lord my God, who will answer."

Psalm 42:11 & 43:5 say, "Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me?  Hope in God; for I shall again praise Him, my salvation and my God."

Psalm 46:10 says, "Be still and know that I am God.  I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!"

Wait for the Lord, Hope in His salvation and know that He is God - He is God of everything, of all people, and He works in His timing, not ours.

It's Only A Thorn

Well, another Easter has come and gone.  There are some here that LOVE Easter, for them it is the culmination of a church year.  Some of us enjoy Easter, but Christmas really is our favorite time of the year.  For some of us this means that we will not be gracing the hallowed halls of a church building for another 8 months until Christmas comes along.  Maybe Easter doesn't even mean going to church for you, that is a strikingly common possibility.

If you did happen to go to church yesterday, more than likely you heard a message on the Resurrection of Jesus Christ and hopefully, something along the lines of how the Resurrection of J.C. frees us from sin.  Jesus conquered sin and death through His Resurrection, so we can also be more than conquerors by believing in Him.  Simple, yet amazingly powerful message, right?

By believing in the death and Resurrection of Jesus, you are free from sin.  It holds no power over you any longer.  Does it though?  Does it really?  I can't begin to tell you how often I am confessing the same sin over and over again, week after week - "Lord, I did it again.  Please forgive me."  It's almost as if I can't get passed it.  It's become an addiction in a way; it's a crutch; it's my "thorn in my side," if you will.  Yes, we say "Amen" when our pastors start preaching about how Jesus conquered death.  We even will say "Amen" when they start talking about how we are free from sin because of Jesus' sacrifice and Resurrection.  But then, we head home and stay stuck in our sin.

Can we imagine our life truly free from this sin?  Can we imagine our life in total power over it?  I'm not sure.  What I know is that for me, Easter is another reminder that I CAN have power over this sin in my life.  Not only CAN I have power over this sin, but I actually DO have power over it, all because of Jesus. So, the question really becomes what do I want more in my life - the power of Jesus' conquering death, sin and the devil or a thorn in my side?  That thorn might feel good, it might feel like I have to have it - it's a crutch though.  It's nothing but a lie of satan, and life without it is SO MUCH BETTER than death with it.  It's only a thorn, Jesus is offering you and me life eternal, thorn-free.  What do you say?  Are you in?

"To Him who loves us and has freed us from our sins by His blood, and has made us to be a kingdom and priests to serve His God and Father - to Him be Glory and Power Forever and Ever!  Amen!"  Revelation 1:5b-6

Putting Words To It

Recently I read Elie Wiesel's memoir Night for the first time.  I am not quite sure why I put off reading this book for so many years, because it really is an exquisite book that recaptures one of the most horrific times in modern day history.

What struck me most while I was reading this book, and ever since I have tried to talk about it, is the idea of describing this event.  I have a hard time calling the Holocaust an event, or even a period of history.  It all somehow seems wrong to try to put labels on it that we associate with other things in life - like weddings, parties, the Renaissance, etc, etc.  Wiesel captured some of this feeling in his introduction to the latest edition of his book.  I cannot imagine experiencing what he went through, what he saw, what he felt, and then trying to use words to define these things.  Words would be forever tainted with that time in his life.  The word night will no longer mean anything but the darkness that came upon him and his family.  Even words that should mean life and beauty - like bread, soup, snow - all mean starvation and death.  Being chosen no longer means that you are set apart for God; no, being chosen, selected meant death.

Sometimes the words that we use so frequently to describe times like this lose meaning.  We can say evil, tragedy, horror - but these words have made us numb.

I say all of this, one to try to express my feelings about this book, but two because there is a danger in the Christian community that is growing.  We are becoming numb to words that we use every week.

Sin, Grace, Mercy, Worship, Glory, even the name Jesus...

Have these become labels?  Have they lost all sense of their true meaning?  Do we constantly say these words with phrases over and over again that we are numb to what they actually mean?  Do we still ponder and spend time in wonder on these words, or do have we become so flippant, so careless, so thoughtless in our actions and words that these can role off our tongues without a pause of reflection on what we are uttering?

Let us never forget the words that define our life with Him, let us never forget what they mean, and Lord, let us never take them for granted or cease to wonder at the meaning of them.