Tuesday, April 6, 2010

The OC Disorder

First prize goes to the person who can identify what television show the title of my blog is from!

We moved this past weekend for sanity purposes to a much bigger, prettier, closer to "T" place.  I have been slowly, but surely, putting our life away into closets, shelves, and drawers since Friday afternoon.  There are still little piles of stuff lying around that I am not quite sure where to put.  Pictures that have yet to be hung that I am debating in which room to hang them, or if I even like them any longer.  It's a long, involved process.

The problem is that I like organization.  I like organization so much that if I am making plans, I will stop whatever I am doing, call that person and make the plans definitive so that I can put it in my calendar right away.  My wonderful husband thinks I am weird, but the truth of the matter is that I just don't like stuff hanging out there, waiting to be done.  It bothers me.

So, what happens when your back and feet hurt so much that you can't just plow through and get everything done in a day, but you have to take several days to get your life in order?  Well, a bit of depression can set in.  A frenzy of trying to take care of things starts, and then nothing really gets done right.  Yesterday, I hung a picture and I am not sure that I even like where I placed it.  Now I am stuck.  But, it was the frenzy, what can I say?  The best thing I can do is to thoughtfully put other pictures around it to make it look better and then I will be ok again.

What on earth does all this ranting about obsessive organization have to do with anything today?  Ah... here comes the segue.  Sometimes I try really hard to get my Christian life completely organized.  Like, I'm going to talk to this person this week and God is going to save them this week - I've got it in my calendar.  I've set up the time to go to coffee with them, God will speak through me then, and wham-bam-thank-you-m'am, they are going to be saved at 11:35 am on Thursday; it will be great!  Really?  Really?  The last time I checked, God was in the habit of doing His own will, not mine.

When things don't go my way, then, depression can happen.  There are people in my life that I have been praying about for close to a decade now.  10 years have come and gone and still that moment has not happened.  The piles are building up, it's beginning to look like a mess, a little chaotic.  I can't put the date in my calendar, I have no control over when it is going to happen.  For someone of my particular quirks, THIS IS HARD.  THIS IS DEPRESSING.  WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?

The answer is this:  Wait.

Wait, be patient, stop trying to organize things that aren't yours to organize.  Lately, I have been spending time meditating on the Psalms, and I have been continually struck with the utter dependance on God that the psalmists have.  They get themselves worked up into a frenzy, but then remind themselves that it is God who is control.

Psalm 38:15 says, "But for you, O LORD, do I wait; it is you, O Lord my God, who will answer."

Psalm 42:11 & 43:5 say, "Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me?  Hope in God; for I shall again praise Him, my salvation and my God."

Psalm 46:10 says, "Be still and know that I am God.  I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!"

Wait for the Lord, Hope in His salvation and know that He is God - He is God of everything, of all people, and He works in His timing, not ours.

1 comment:

  1. I enjoyed looking over your blog. I found your profile on another blog I follow and I added myself to follow you. You are more than welcome to visit my blog and become a follower if you want to. If I have posted this on your blog before please forgive me. Sometimes it ain't easy being an Old Geezer.

    God Bless You, Ron